FF Our 9 Months - Part 31

Hola  

Back with an extra long update  Okay I am really anxious about the feedback to this one because I know I gave no warning as to this was coming up, but this update is very special to me and I hope you all like it.

Pls ignore typoes if any coz I didnt have time to proof read.

Dedicatin this update to some very special ppl who have walked into my life.

Tina this is specially for you coz I met some of the ppl mentioned here only coz of u, u have given me a lot hun, our friendship is the biggest treasure for me and then u gave me some really awsum ppl !!

Sim ( BalSimran ) , Fari ( Farwa ) , Pallu ( VEIL ) , Aru , Jenny ( LondonChick) , Roka , Hira ... u girls have become very special over the past few days and Just wanna say that the time we spend chatting away is something I enjoy totally !!! 

Sarah ( Desi ) thanku hun for reading this update beforehand and giving me the confidence to post it. 

Anyways enough of my blabber and go read my update !! 

Happy Reading !! 

The little one was kicking away to glory, like it was in no rush to calm down, Arnav placed his face over Khushi's belly as they felt the baby move around, for Arnav the feeling was incredible, he had never known anything like this, he knew their baby was coming soon into their world but today it suddenly felt very much real, and that realisation brought with it a sudden sense of fear and trepidation for Arnav .

Arnav stood up, he looked at Khushi, his heart racing, he didn't know how he was going to explain this sudden fear that had crept into him, Khushi watched as Arnav rushed out of the room, she knew something was bothering him, she got up and followed him, and found him in the kitchen gulping down a glass of water as he leaned against the table, Khushi walked upto him and slowly placed her hands on his shoulder, Arnav looked up when he saw her looking at him with worried eyes,

Khushi : what is it Arnav ?? Why did you leave all of a sudden ?? what happened, tell me !!

Arnav took her hand and let her out into the living room, he made her sit and sat down next to her, he looked at her with worried eyes, he was scared of the emotions that were over powering him, and he didn't know how to convey them without hurting her feelings but he knew he had to tell her before it drove him insane,

Arnav : Khushi you know I love you, and I love our baby as well, from the day you told me that you are expecting our first child, the happiness that it has given me, the knowledge that we will soon have our symbol of love, its made me the happiest man alive Khushi, I cant wait to see our baby, seeing you pregnant and glowing, it makes me love you more if that is even possible,

But today when I felt the baby move, Khushi it brought with it a sense of real crushing reality, Khushi all my life, I have lived it the way I want, even when I made mistakes, I never bothered about it because I always had this feeling that there is nothing in this world that ASR cant rectify, and then you came along and the way i wronged you Khushi, I should call myself blessed for the fact that you gave me a second chance !!

Khushi I have always been driven by my past, by my anger, by my recklessness and now these things scare me !! what if these traits of mine affect our baby ?? what if I end up hurting our little one like how I hurt you Khushi ??

Khushi I am so scared right now, what if I am the worst father ?? I know you will be the best mother to our children but I cant say the same about me !!

What if I become a disappointment to you and our children ???

Khushi felt wretched seeing him fret over himself, he looked really lost in his fear and she knew that it was only she who could allay and remove his fears but for that she had to get to the root of his problem !!

She pulled him into her arms and hugged him close in her arms and he sighed as he let her warmth take over, he tightened his arms around her , revelling in her soft warmth that gave him his world of strength and security, she slowly pulled  away and cupped his cheeks,

Khushi : if this is your fear Arnav, then it has to be mine too, I am new to motherhood as much you are, as to how you might hurt our baby, have you ever hurt anyone whom you loved Arnav ??

No right ??

You love Di and you have never hurt her, when you felt she was being wronged, you went out of your way to set things right in her life, you loved me when you misunderstood me, yet you sacrificed your love for me to secure her life, you gave up your own love for your loved ones Arnav, when you came to know about the misconception, you once again went out of your way to make it upto me, the past 2 years, you have given me so much love that I don't even remember the bad past we shared, none of those memories exist anymore Arnav, your love has erased all of it, and I am sure that you will never do anything that hurts our baby !!

You love our baby and you can never hurt anyone whom you love.

Do you know something Arnav ??

You always tell me how much you love me, have I told you how much I love you ??

I love you so much that I cant remember where I end and you begin, you have become so entrenched into my soul that my existence feels like an empty shell without you in it.

Every single second of my life, I can feel your life coursing through me, keeping me alive , making my heart race faster than a freight train when you are around, making me wish that I could spend every second of my life in your arms forgetting the rest of the world.

Carrying your baby makes me not only happy Arnav but proud, I am carrying a life thats half yours in flesh and blood,

I can see a baby who has your ,

Sexy Smirk...

Crooked Smile...

Uncontrollable Anger...

Those Intense brown eyes...

A heart that can love its family like how its father does...

Thats how I imagine our baby, a complete replica of you , I see you in our child.

I see you all around me, your love surrounds me and thats how I want it to be, your web of love all around.

Khushi then leaned onto Arnav and placed her head over his heart...

Khushi : My hearts beats only for you Arnav, it will stop beating if I loose you !!

Arnav held her in his arms, each word that she had just told him, he knew it was going to be etched in his memory forever , it was more than he had hoped to hear from her, the intensity of her words threatening to render him speechless, all he could was treasure her in his arms forever and keep her as close to his heart as he could, heck she lived in his heart, in his soul and like she said, he would stop breathing if he lost her !!

Arnav & Khushi, one couldn't exist without the other and they both knew it.

And thats when he knew that he had to finally tell her the truth about his past that had ripped his childhood apart, he had to tell her the incident that had turned Arnav into the cold ruthless ASR !!

He held her close to his heart as he started to speak...

Arnav : Khushi I am going to tell you something that I haven't spoken about in years, and I don't know if you will still be able to love me the same after you hear it but you have to know what made the man you love what he is today.

I know you have never asked me or Di or anyone in the family about what happened to my parents, and I respect you for that because its a topic that no one wants to remember at all.

But now you have to know ...

Khushi Di and I used to live in Sheesh Mahal with our parents, I was 14 years old Khushi, it was Di's marriage that day, the happiest day in our lives, I always thought that ours was a perfect family but all my illusions crashed down like a house of cards that day !!

Just before Di's marriage was supposed to happen, I walked in on my parents arguing about something and what I heard shocked me !!

Ma was accusing Papa of trying to hurt another woman, she was telling him that she had found out about  him trying to force himself on one of his employee's wife, and what came next shocked me, my dad had tortured the lady and her husband so much to the extent that the couple had decided to flee Lucknow and my dad had been so fuelled by her rejection , that he had got them killed.

I was broken Khushi, i couldn't imagine my Papa, the man I idolised trying to do something so scandalous !! he was my hero Khushi, Ma was so angry and hurt, her entire life came crashing down that day, she lost control, blinded by her pain, she never thought about her two children, about her daughter who was soon going to be married off, she took Papa's gun and shot herself !!

And Papa, the shock and guilt of what he had brought upon his family, he didn't survive it either, he followed Ma and shit himself soon after and 14 year old me was the witness to the tragedy that ripped my family apart and orphaned me and Di in a matter of hours !!

Di's marriage never happened and we were thrown out of the family !!

Nani took us in, I shed Malik from my name and became a Raizada.

I lost faith in Gods and Prayers, all i wanted to do was earn money and make myself invincible !!

I wanted to be powerful that nothing could hurt me or my family !!

And thats how Arnav Singh Raizada was born !!

Life went on perfect and then you walked in like a thunderstorm, you brought back the Arnav buried inside ASR and thats why I hated you so much in the beginning !!

You started making me feeling human and vulnerable !!

You started making me feel empty.

I have always been an alone person Khushi and you made me feel that I needed you like how I need air to survive !!

And I didn't like it at all, that's why there was so much hate, I was battling my own demons Khushi, not you.

And rest what happened we both know,

Love won out, and here we are  today, bound together for 7 lives not just by rituals, but by our heart soul and body,

I am all yours Khushi and I will say this for you, You are all Mine and will be Forever !!

Khushi broke out from the hug in which she had been holding him tight and looked into his eyes, her face was wet from her tears, her heart went out to her husband and all the pain that had hit his life, she could picture it all and she knew finally the reasons behind his mounting fears about parenthood !!

She could see that Arnav was scared about having the grey shades of his father !! and  she was going to put an end to it for once and for all.

She held his hand tight in hers,

Khushi : Arnav, are you scared that you have inherited your father's greyshades ??

Arnav looked at her in shock , he couldn't understand how she had placed her finger right on his fear shaking him to his roots, but he knew that if anyone knew him inside out, for his every single thought then it was his Khushi !!

He nodded silently , unable to meet her eyes, She cupped his face and made him look straight into hers

Khushi : You are not your father and I can say this because I know your heart, Arnav Singh Raizada had ample oppurtunities in his life to be a womaniser like his father was.

But he didn't become one, he is in a position where women of all sorts would practically throw themselves at him, he doesn't even have to try to get a women to go to bed with him.

You have everything that most women of today's age wants , Money , Power, Looks and Glamour !!

Our very own recent experience is proof of that !!

You would never do anything of that sort with any woman because no matter what your other shortcomings, you respect women, be it your mother sister or wife, you know their importance in your life. Your past taught you that Arnav.

You could have had the most good looking women at your fingertips but you didn't take the chance. You had your fair share of girlfriends before I came yet you haven't had anything more than platonic relationships with any of them,

I am your first kiss..

I am your first intimate touch...

I am the first woman you have known and felt and made love to...

If you have said the 3 magical words "I Love You " to anyone then its only me...

Your wife is the only woman you have  loved Arnav and she is sitting right here with you ...

You have loved only one woman your entire life and thats me Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada...

Arnav loves Khushi and only her and its a truth that no one can change or question !!

Arnav & Khushi are each other's first and last in heart soul and body.

And its these truths that tell me that Arnav Singh Raizada is nothing like his father.

Your father has no sway over you Arnav and he cant never be you even if he is born a 100 times into this world.

His son is far too perfect for him to even imagine !!

Arnav Singh Raizada ...

Perfect Son

Perfect Brother

Perfect Friend

Perfect Lover

Perfect Husband

Perfect Father

And before she could make another move, she felt her husband taking her lips in the most beautiful kiss they had ever shared .