FF Let Me Love You - Part 39

Okay, An apology is due for the long long delay in updates, I am really sorry guys, but I have to say that my updates from now on are not going to be fixed at all, its my final semester of post graduation and I am working on my final year project, then there is the job hunt going on, work at home, in between all this I rarely get time to write. I will try to post 2 updates per month, I guess I can manage that but weekly updates, I don't see it happening. And since my updates will be less frequent, I will be sending PM as well as email alerts so that nobody misses the updates ;)

Thank you for not forgetting my stories and patiently waiting for me to update. This update of LMLY, well I have always believed that we all have an inner voice, something or someone that is like a mirror reflection of us, its the face of our reality and we all encounter it from time to time whenever a situation arises and this update is mostly about Khushi's inner voice ... am sure most of you might have already guessed who it could be but check out the update ... I will be looking forward to your comments  !!

Happy Reading !

Khushi was in her room, the tears still staining her cheeks as she recalled Arnav's words, the hurt in his eyes when she had asked him to leave, the anger coursing through him when he had wrenched his hand away and his defeated persona when he had walked away, she couldn't take any of it and she knew all of it was her fault, she blamed herself for everything that went wrong around them but deep inside she also knew that whatever was happening could happen to anyone and no good would come come by blaming oneself for something thats beyond one's control.

She looked out into the skies, the stars always spoke to her, somewhere amidst those stars, she saw Rahul , her Mama , his Mama .. they were all out there always smiling down at her and she always drew comfort from them. There was a light wind caressing her face, she turned and saw Rahul's violin on one corner beside her bed, she went and took it in her hands, fresh tears clung to her eyes as his loss shook her again, she closed her eyes as she held it close, it still contained his essence, she could feel him around,

" I hate your tears Khushi ... and you know that. "

Her eyes flew open as she whirled around, too shocked to speak, she couldn't even believe if she was seeing it all for real, Rahul as she always remembered him was perched on her window ledge, he was smiling at her, his eyes looked at her affectionately, as he beckoned her to come,

" come here Khushi .. sit down. We have to talk. "

Too numb to even ask or respond, she went and sat as instructed, she kept gazing at him, unblinking eyes drank in the sight of him, like she was taking much needed air to breathe, her lips were a soft shocked whisper,

"is this even real Rahul ?

Am I just dreaming all this up ?? "

Rahul smiled at Khushi as she saw him bring his hands close and move away the loose strands of her hair, she closed her eyes at his touch, they were cold on her face, deathlike yet there was a sense of familiarity in it,

" I am here Khushi but I wont be here long, maybe all this will feel like a dream, but I had to talk to my sister, put some sense into her before she went down the path of self-destruction, so here I am. "

Khushi clutched his hands, trying to smile through her tears ... " why did I have to loose you ?? even when you left, you left me in the care of Pari, you knew she would watch over me, you even had Arnav picked for me, your presence is all over my life and yet I don't have you.

Why didnt the Gods spare you ... for me .. for Pari. "

Rahul looked at her sadly, he missed Pari so much, he hated seeing her so alone, he was so proud of his girl but the pain of loss that she carried, it always stung him, but he also knew Pari wouldn't be alone for too long, a small smile crept up his face as he looked at his baby sister,

" I miss both of you Khushi, but thats life Khushi .. we don't get everything we want, loss and pain are human emotions we all have to endure.

Khushi maybe my death was inevitable, we all have to die someday and we will no matter how much we resist. I have no regrets Khushi, yes I know Pari is alone but my girl is a brave one, and now when I look at her, I know she wont be alone for too long, besides she has got all of you. You will all help her to move on from me, maybe in the next birth we can have a life together.

And you, I left you in the hands of a man who protects you even better than I did ... and yet Khushi you are hurting him .. thats why am here.

You cant hurt Arnav .. you cant and you wont. "

Khushi felt her heart twist and tighten as she thought of him, his eyes reflecting the pain and hurt she had inflicted,

" I feel guilty Rahul ... somehow I can never stop thinking that Arnav and his family wouldn't have to go through any of these problems if they hadn't met me, Arnav could have had a much more easier life.

I know he loves me ... and I love him back too. But the problems that have surrounded him and his family because of me doesn't seem to end ever. "

Rahul fixed her with a firm glare, " well don't you love giving yourself a lot of self importance Khushi ?? !! " Khushi looked at him confused but Rahul didnt stop speaking ,

" well in the first place, what makes you think that if you weren't a part of his life, then it would be a lot more easier ?

How do you know that Khushi ?? do you have any divine powers to come to those conclusions ??

If you weren't the one meant for him, then it would have been someone else, he would have met the one written on the fates for him.

He would love that person, do everything it takes to keep her happy and protect her.

Khushi what you need to understand is that, Arnav is what he is and he has always been like this. He loves his family unconditionally and will jump in front of any bullet for them.

All of us have to live our life, there is no running from the happiness written for us just because there are problems. How long will you run Khushi ?

If you decide to run then you will have to do that for the rest of your life ahead, and then amidst all that running, your time on earth will end and you will die. And when you are on your death bed, and look back at your life, will you feel happy ?

Will there be anything for you to call as a memorable life that you have lived here ?

All you will have is a lot of running around you did, all you will have is going to be  memories of you hiding away while your past chased you down.

Whats the point of such a life Khushi ?? whats the point when on the alternate you can live your life as long as it lasts happily with the people you love ?

Whether you protect him or not, Arnav is going to die on the day meant for him ... "  Rahul saw Khushi flinch at the mention of Arnav's death but he didnt relent,

" there is no use flinching Khushi, it will happen when it has to, birth and death and the life in between, its the natural order and you cant alter it.

You will die when the time comes ... all of us have to die someday.

So then why not make the little time we have on this earth beautiful ?

Khushi you have a man who loves you unconditionally, a man who thinks about you in every heartbeat of his, that kind of love is rare and you have to live it.

Live it with Arnav, face the obstacles with your head held high, don't be a coward Khushi. Stop running. By trying to push them all away from you, you are not protecting them but you are only trying to lessen your guilt.

You aren't God Khushi that you can guarantee anyone's protection ... hell you cant even protect yourself Khushi !

None of us can .. its not in our hands, we can only try but there is no assurance to that.

Stop trying to control the fates ... its not in your hands. What you can do is live your life as your heart desires to and rest leave it to destiny.

He is hurt Khushi ... and you are the reason, he doesn't deserve this pain.

You have a beautiful life ahead Khushi ... and its with Arnav.

If you abandon it, neither will you or he be happy ? whats the point of being alive but to be unhappy ?

Look at Pari ... how I wish I could have a life with her, but it just was not written in our fates, we loved and we lost it.

But not you Khushi, you have your love with you today, be with him, live your life instead of hanging onto the spectres of your past.

Don't let your past haunt your present or future !! "

Khushi felt her heart lighten as she listened to Rahul, the dark clouds that had wrapped over her heart seemed to be shifting a little and even as she felt the realisation sink in, Rahul was fading away, his hands on her were loosening but she didnt panic, she didnt call out, she watched him smile at her in approval as she let him go, knowing that his time on earth was over, that this meeting with him was only something she would feel  understand, it was her heart's way of answering her own doubts and fears, and no one could answer her questions the way Rahul did.

One star was twinkling brightly at her and she smiled at it, as she repeated the four words she would always tell him,

" I love you ... Bhai "

And as she sat down by her bed, she picked up the violin and played one of Rahul's favourite tunes, something he had composed which they played whenever they got the time, her heart felt calm as an ocean, she had her answers and she knew what to do.

A while later Khushi got up and left her room, it was late night and everyone else seemed to be sleeping. She went to the room that she knew was hers too, she opened the door softly as she walked in, she knew he wouldn't be sleeping and he wasn't.

He was at the windows, watching the stars, she knew he felt her but he didnt turn around, she crept up behind him and hugged him from behind, her hands clutching him tightly, but he didnt hold her back, she didnt mind it though because she knew he was hurt, but he did speak,

" I heard you play the violin Khushi ... it was soulful ... beautiful just like the person who played it. "

Khushi buried her face onto his back as she held him tighter, a few moments later she loosened her grip and turned him around, he looked at her, his eyes were tired and hurt, she slowly led him towards his bed and made him sit down on the edge, she gently pressed his forehead, smoothening the worry lines, she stroked his face, and then she sat down next to him, and held his hand,

"you didnt have anything ... did you Arnav ?? "

He shook his head in answer but didnt say anything more. She hugged him on his side, her face resting over his heart,

" I am sorry Arnav.

I know sorry isn't a word that will be enough for how I behaved back then and I am not going to justify myself or defend myself because I know I was wrong.

Its not that I don't want this life with you, I dream of us growing old together everyday but at the same time the danger that lies ahead threatens to shatter everything I dream. And sometimes its the fear that rules me. "

Arnav listened to her and then Khushi's voice became more misty and slow,

"but then someone told me that I cant control life's events, that I cant assume for sure that if I move away then everything will be fine.

And Arnav I don't want to look back at my life and realise that I never lived my life ... not when I have you to live it with.

I choose you Arnav Singh Raizada ... over my fears , over my past , over my insecurities ... I choose a life with you over everything and everyone else in this world.

I love you and I promise you today that I will walk with you down the road wherever it takes us.

I am sorry Arnav .. sorry for causing you so much pain. "

Arnav didnt let her say anything more as he pulled her into a tight all consuming hug, his head buried on her tresses as he placed fierce kisses on her neck and jawline. Khushi closed her eyes as she relished his touch. They held onto each other for a long moment before they broke apart, both of them smiling through their tears which they wiped away,

" I am sorry too Khushi. I know I was harsh and rude. I hated seeing you so hurt and shaken up, but I couldn't let you pull away from me. I wanted you to decide for once and for all this time. and I knew you needed to do it on your own without anyone forcing their views on you.

I am really sorry I left you alone back there ... "

Khushi placed her hands over his lips as she hushed him,

" Ssshh Arnav. Its fine .. you did the right thing.

I really needed that push to decide or else this fear would have consumed me forever and it would have ruined us. So there is nothing to regret now, you did the right thing " said Khushi and then she related the experience she had with Rahul and he listened to her, he didnt even question her as to if it was real or not because he knew that it was very much real for Khushi and thats all it mattered to him as he pulled her down onto the bed and took her lips in a kiss that seared through her bones and burned her blood as it raged on her soul.

They were a tangled mess when they finally broke apart, the air around them hot and heavy with the passion that coursed through their veins, Arnav hugged Khushi close as they both tried to calm down their raging heartbeats.

A while later Khushi dragged Arnav down to the kitchen and made him sit on the table as she got dinner warmed and then they both sat down and fed each other as they discussed things of the most trivial nature to more serious matters.

After dinner, Arnav took her for a walk in the gardens, Khushi had her arms circled around his waist as they walked for long, many a time not talking anything at all but just absorbing each other's feel on their body and soul.

After a while they stopped and Arnav nudged Khushi and directed her gaze towards the stars, a star was twinkling down at them, Khushi hugged Arnav tighter in her arms as she smiled back widely at the stars and she laughed when the star shone brighter, as though laughing in approval of his baby's sister's display of affection for her man.